Whether you’ve known your roommate since birth or are only meeting the guy on move-in day, there is one inevitable outcome: You will hate them by the end of the year (unless you had my roommates, those guys are cool dudes). OK, you probably won’t hate them, but they’ll get annoying really fast.
They’ll refuse to put in earbuds, invite their copy-and-paste friends over, watch TV while you’re working and just act like animals. So, when it comes to setting boundaries and trying to adapt to sharing a living space with new people, there is only one possible solution: You have to train them.
I have listed out several methods — both good and bad — that you can use while dealing with a roommate.
Method One: Positive Reinforcement
A simple and effective way to mold your roommate into your image is through positive reinforcement. Positive reinforcement is as simple as giving your roommates a reward after they’ve done what you’ve commanded. For example, if your roommate finally picks up his stinky socks, give him some Skittles. This treat will make your roommate more likely to repeat the behavior in the future.
According to the Humane Society, when training dogs, it’s crucial to keep your commands short so that they can easily understand what they’re being told. Like dogs, sometimes roommates have difficulty understanding complete sentences like, “Hey Derrick, I was just thinking that for the past couple of weeks, I’ve been doing all the cleaning around the dorm, and I’d really appreciate it if you could help me out some.”
It’s much better to say something along the lines of, “Derrick. Clean. Now.”
When using positive reinforcement on your roommates, be careful when choosing your reward. If you decide to give your roommate a treat like Snickers or beer, you might be turning their freshman 15 into a freshman 50. Sometimes just saying “Good Boy!” will do.
Method Two: Punishment
Oh no! You’ve completely run out of treats for your roommate and they’re still a menace, whatever are you to do? Don’t worry. If your roommate isn’t responding to positive reinforcement, you can always turn to punishment.
No one wants to punish their roommate, but when push comes to shove and your roommate is on the PlayStation ‘til 3 a.m. while you are preparing for the midterm that’ll push your grade from a D to a C, make sure to use a firm hand so you don’t have to teach them the lesson twice.
My favorite method is making things disappear. Maybe your roommate can’t find their computer mouse, or maybe their essay somehow gets deleted. Who knows how these things happen, but they’ll definitely make them think twice.
If your roommate requires a more direct approach, try setting your alarm for 6 a.m., 6:05 a.m., 6:10 a.m., 6:15 a.m. and so on until noon. It’ll put a damper on any night plans they might have.
Method Three: Boundaries
My editor has informed me that I need to add another method that can’t also be applied to raising dogs. I’ll try my best.
If you really have a hang-up about your roommate, the best thing to do is to tackle the matter directly and quickly. You don’t want to let a small problem fester and get blown out of proportion.
Try setting boundaries with your roommate the second they become a pain. Tell them simply and kindly but firmly as to what is bothering you. This way everything will blow over fast, and you can get back to wasting your time in peace. Ultimately, most people are receptive to constructive criticism and it’s always worth going with a direct approach to conflict resolution. Your first roommate experience is the best time to build up that resolve to confront people, even if it’s a little uncomfortable at first.
Some residence halls at other universities make their respective freshmen sign and create roommate agreements, a kind of terms of service that can be looked back on throughout the year. These are useful because they immediately establish a set of boundaries with the expectation that these will be adhered to.
We don’t do this at the University, but it might be a good idea to at least hash out some boundaries with your roommate immediately before there’s any confusion — and before it gets too late in the year.
Method Four: Adoption
Well, this is the end of the line. It’s a sad reality to accept, but your roommate just hit on your mom and you have to let him go.
On a serious note, if you have made a genuine effort to set firm boundaries and reconcile with your roommate and there’s a fundamental incompatibility, there’s nothing wrong with asking for a new roommate. Your first step in this process would be to connect with your resident adviser to see what your options are.
Note that you can always talk to your RA if you’re having a dispute with your roommate and an honest conversation between the two of you just won’t cut it. Or if you’re too scared to confront them alone. No judgments here. Your RA is a resource that exists to make your first year go smoothly. Requesting a reassignment should always be the last resort.
If you reach this final method, try your best to keep it a secret from your roommate. It’ll stop a big scene and we want them to have a good couple of days before they go to the farm upstate.
Make sure you look at the good times you had and to not dwell on the bad times. Remember when you said hi to each other on the first day and tried to ignore each other for the rest of the year?
Good times.
Adam is a junior in LAS.
gorcyca3@dailyillini.com
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